


Konoha Ninja Academy: Workplace Safety Training (import from ff.net)

by moor



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Humour, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 16:33:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17165417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moor/pseuds/moor
Summary: Naruto-verse. Parody. Iruka implements Workplace Safety Training for the genin-sensei following a series of unfortunate accidents. Genma's evicted during the Orientation, to no one's surprise. Anko's their HR rep. Rated 'M' for language, to be cautious.





	Konoha Ninja Academy: Workplace Safety Training (import from ff.net)

Title:  **Konoha Ninja Academy: Workplace Safety Training**  
Category: Anime/Manga » Naruto  
Author: moor  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M  
Genre: Humor/Parody  
Published: 03-18-15, Updated: 03-18-15  
Chapters: 1, Words: 548

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**Chapter 1: Chapter 1**

* * *

The scar-faced young man looked around at his assembled colleagues patiently and raised an arm to call the room to order.

"Thank you for coming to the last day of your genin-teacher training and orientation," he began as the jounin settled around him. "We just have a few last things to cover before we unleash your new trainees on you, and you get to start that wonderful bonding experience we all remember from our own genin days."

Iruka decided to ignore the affable and somewhat shifty-eyed, evasive looks he noted on a few faces.

"All right!" he clapped his hands together to rouse their enthusiasm—and get more than a few of their already wandering attentions. "Today's last topic is, 'Health and Safety'!"

"This is still a ninja academy, isn't it?" he heard one deep voice murmur. Around a cigarette.

"All the more reason to be Safety Conscious!" beamed the teacher proudly. This time, he was determined to really drill the message home that if they 'accidentally' killed any of their ungrateful charges, they would be docked at least a half-day's wages. Discontented mutterings rippled through the crowd, and he rapped on the chalkboard to reel them back in.

"All right, all right, settle down. Let's get through this together," he said through a somewhat less sincere smile now. "The reason we implemented Health and Safety guidelines was that, following a series of unfortunate events—."

"—that happened to a series of careless, shit-disturbing, ungrateful brats-."

"—some of our cherished students ran afoul of some horrible luck, and unfortunately-."

"—with the help of their own exploding tags-."

"—ended up with mild to serious training-related injuries."

"—well-earned and totally self-inflicted."

"Genma, as of right now, you are off the teaching list for this term until you complete your Sensitivity re-training with Anko," admonished Iruka firmly.

" _Sweet baby Jesus with a senbon-stick, I'm free!"_

"You can find her in the Harassment Assistance role, in HR," he advised, hands on his hips as he watched the older man swagger out the door. Shaking his head in disappointment, he turned to the remaining genin sensei. "Which reminds me, if any of you feel you have an overly aggressive, oppressive, or sexually intimidating encounter on the job, please contact Anko. She is filling the role of Counsellor and Harassment Mediator for the upcoming year, and is very experienced."

Of course he did not mention that she would probably be the one subjecting them to such intimidation; and would then laugh at them before kicking them while they were down if they bothered to report such an incident. It would be counter-productive.

"So, let's start with the basics. What should our newly graduated genin be allowed to do?"

"Go to the water-closet by themselves?"

"They can eat by themselves at their age, right?"

"Exhibit a healthy willingness to die for their village. And get my groceries for me."

Pressing his lips together firmly, Iruka took a calming breath and broke out the Power Point.

* * *

AN: No copyright infringement intended. Written for fun, not profit. (And originally written way back in 2010). I may update this one again; I have most of the outline still saved. Happy Wednesday!


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